5 Tips To Get In The Mood (that don’t involve porn)
TLDR:
1. Take your time
2. Sexy Selfies
3. Get Scentual
4. Sext Yourself
5. Press Play
Image courtesy of Ev’Yan Whitney
Take Your Time
Nothing says sexy like slow-motion, amiright? If you’re having a night in, incorporate some self-pleasure time in your evening. This could be as simple as lighting a candle, adding some essential oils to your bath and really taking the time to soak in. Yeah, we know this is all feels like millennial-self-care-ritual 101, but if you allow yourself the time to get ready for pleasure - and to actually work out what that looks like to you, you’re going to be helping your sexual wellbeing out big time. Start slow - maybe just de-robe from the day and spend half an hour being naked and really appreciated your body. Notice your senses - what piques your excitement? Is it touch, or smell or have you got a particular fantasy in mind?
Sexy Selfies
Ain't no shame in taking a sexy pic. It doesn't have to be for a partner - it can be totally for you. It's the most empowering thing to gaze at yourself and think, 'yep, I'm sexy and I'm turned on by my own body'. Put on whatever outfit makes you feels the most sensual (or maybe you want to be naked), get yourself ready in whatever way works for you - it could be having a bath, getting some essential oils on your body, doing your hair the exact way you like, not wearing make up, putting it on, taking it off - whatever floats your boat. Then start snapping. If you’re worried about people seeing images on your phone, we recommend downloading a photo vault app - you can create folders in there, then totally delete the photos from your phone albums, and put a password lock on there that only you have access to.
Check out Ev’Yan Whitney’s #SensualSelfieChallenge - who invites her community to celebrate their bodies by taking sensual selfies and sharing them on social media: “I take sensual selfies to subvert the male gaze; to defy & reject respectability politics rooted in white supremacy & patriarchy; to take up space with & celebrate unapologetically my Black queer body”.
Get Scentual
We all have certain smells that spark a little bit of excitement within us. Whether it’s a perfume or cologne, the smell of wet tarmac or the musk of a partner’s piece of clothing, our noses can help us get in the mood. If you want a little tip, let’s talk about massage candles. Light a beautifully scented candle and feel the fragrance float into the air around you. Maybe you’ve just had a bath. Pour the candle wax on your body - whichever part is the most sensitive or erogenous for you - and start massaging. This isn’t just for partner play - this is about finding out what works for you.
Sext Yourself
Become the storyteller of your own fantasy. Let's shake off the stigma of sexting being just 'dirty talk', and reframe the narrative ourselves. It could be something you do with your partner during the day to build up tension before you see them in the evening, or it could just be what you do to get you in the mood. Revisit past conversations and allow that fantasy to become a reality in your body. Try sexting yourself (another exercise advocated by wonder womxn Ev'Yan Whitney), and allow yourself to see your body through another's eyes. Tell yourself all the things you find sexy about your body, and create a fantasy just for you. It doesn’t have to be on a text conversation - it could be written in a journal, in the notes section of your phone (and soon to be within our app!)
Press Play
If you are more of a visual person, we seriously recommend Erika Lust, an adult filmmaker who is on a mission to create tasteful, beautiful and intimate erotica. For anyone who finds porn too disconnected, offensive or unrealistic, but gets turned on by visual scenes, this is the place for you. It works, trust us. Erika is all about centralising female pleasure, that shoots are in a safe-sex environment and that her films are inclusive, intelligent, ethical, organic and promote mindful sexual experiences. Or if there’s a particular film, tv show, scene or soundtrack which you know gets your feeling yourself, press play and feel free to rewind (and unwind).
