Creating a sexual self-care ritual


Ok, we know we’ve been banging on about sexual self-care from the start, and maybe you understand what the vibe is, but actions speak louder than words. So what does a sexual self-care ritual actually look like? 

Slow the f down 

Carve out some time that is just for you exploring your sexuality. If you’re an early bird, it might be a 6am session to energise you before your day really starts. Maybe you want to crawl under the covers for a late nite play. Or perhaps you’ve got the flexibility to explore during the day. Personally, I like to integrate my sexual self-care with my actual self-care and do it on a Sunday. It’s an all day process - but the sexy bit rounds it all off when I’m in bed and feeling refreshed. 

Be intentional about creating space 

This doesn’t just mean taking the time. It can also mean creating a space and setting the mood. It could be as simple as clearing out a drawer to put your things - either underwear that makes you feel sexy, toys, a journal, lube or anything else that helps get you going. If you’re exploring yourself in bed, maybe you want to have fresh sheets (I like doing this on a Sunday morning, in prep for sexy time later that night). Or it could be creating some mood lighting in the living room, lighting some candles, putting on a playlist (or the Ferly app) and clearing a space either on the sofa, on cushions or on the floor. Either way - be intentional. 

Create micro-habits 

Starting a ritual means creating a habit. The best way of doing that is to create micro-habits that will encourage you to keep going. Perhaps you start with putting on something that makes you feel really sexy. Maybe you do that every week and that’s as far as you go. Perhaps the week after you take a picture. The week after that you listen to a guided masturbation. The week after you experiment with a toy. It doesn’t have to be everything all at once. 

Find your groove 

Remember that sex, and your relationship to it, is entirely personal. So masturbation might not even be in your sexual self-care routine. It might be that you spent 30 minutes journalling and reflecting on how you feel about sex, a recent sexual encounter or writing down a fantasy about what you would like to happen. Find your groove, and don’t worry if it looks different to other people’s idea of sexual self-care.

Rinse and repeat 

Once you get into it, just keep on doing it. Whether it’s once a week, daily or every month, just keep up the ritual - because it’s a way of reminding yourself that this is an important part of your life. It deserves your time and attention.